One Drive-Thru, Two Dinners & Three (& a half) Melt-Downs

2 Apr

I may not be good at being healthy, but I am determined to be “good” at being honest about it. When you read the title of this post, I think you pretty much know where this is going…

 But first, let’s look back in time…to a time not-that-far away, when I was in college.

When I was in college I discovered what people meant when they claimed the “freshman 15”. & since my “freshman 15” was actually more like the “freshman 30”, I quickly realized that I had fully embraced a little thing called…emotional eating. Anyone else hear me on that?

 & as most of us know, the more you eat unhealthy, greasy, junk food – the more you want it. Every. single. day. I had to own this new found problem about my second year in and was able to get myself to a weight that I could be comfortable with & maintain. Now, this little trouble-maker (I’m talking emotional eating) ESPECIALLY crept in during a specific week of the month, if you’re following me here. Times that I wanted quick satisfaction for my cravings of either sweets or greasy grease (classic me, always trying to clog my arteries). Every once in a while, even now, this serious draw just hits me out of nowhere. Most of the time it is when I am:

  • Exhausted
  • Not feeling well
  • Feeling emotional or down
  • Have cravings on top of cravings
  • &, of course, am by myself.

 Now let’s fast forward to a time….a time much closer…a time some of us might call…last Thursday.

 Last Thursday wasn’t pretty. My hormone levels were turning me into a looney & my mood was swinging this way and that. If I had to sum it up, I would say I was exhausted, not feeling well, feeling emotional/down, having cravings on top of cravings, and, of course, I was by myself.

 Yes, last Thursday, much to my demise… this happened. There I was, having been shopping in Target for two hours trying to find something…ANYTHING…for my husband’s Easter basket when it happened. Out of nowhere, as if I got hit by a bus, there it was. A craving so strong that it was all I could think about. My stomach was growling. I felt like I could burst into tears at any moment. My body was aching. Every aisle I perused was filled with delicious forms of Easter candy, cookies, chips, the works.

 & then I remembered what waited for me outside of Target. That’s right. Arby’s. And what is so great about Arby’s you might ask? A milkshake. & what about the milkshake? Jamocha. They have a Jamocha milkshake. It is delicious. It is wonderful. It is the perfect blend of really cheap coffee and chocolate flavoring & ice-cream. It is one dollar – a true value.

So, I practically sprinted to my car… zoomed across the parking lot… and bam. In a matter of seconds I had a value Jamocha shake with two greasy counterparts. I parked my car under the shade and I enjoyed every. single. bite. Or sip as the case may be.

Satisfied, I began my quest home. The further I drove, the worse I felt. I mean – really? Did that just happen? & as I got home and walked in the front door, it happened. Meltdown number one. Don’t worry – it was short & I quickly recovered. I sat for a few minutes thinking about all the unhealthy food I had just consumed and in a sort of “aww, man” way, began stomping up stairs to put on my tennis shoes to go try to work it off. That’s when I felt the tears coming on again – my face crouching up in that less-then-attractive way to prepare for what was sure to be an ‘ugly cry’. But before it could reach full form, I got a text message asking if I had dinner plans. I mean… no. I didn’t have plans. To eat dinner…tonight…or ever again, really. BUT, I mean, why not have some company?

So I tossed my tennis shoes away & off I went to join family. Have I mentioned that I love Mexican food? Yes. I do. I love Mexican food. & in case it isn’t obvious…. we went to a Mexican restaurant. By the time we were ready to order, it had been 2 and a half hours since my drive-thru incident and I started to feel a little hungry. & by hungry, I mean that I started to really, really want some Mexican food.

At the end of my fingertips waited queso, guacamole, salsa & sour cream – the perfect combination to shovel into my mouth by way of chip. & then out came the dinner that I had ordered. Right… my second dinner. Luckily, I split this with Matt who had met us at the restaurant. But still, I didn’t even stop to think as I enjoyed my chicken enchilada covered in, well, queso. With beans & rice on the side. Oh my dear. Delicious, I tell you.

On the ride home, however, it came. Meltdown number two. It was one of those times where you have a huge lump in your throat and feel the tears swelling, but in an attempt to avoid it you stare out the window at a complete 90 degree angle so no one will notice (no one being Matt as he was the only other person in the car). Once the question is asked, however, there is no going back. “Are you okay?” he asked as he put his hand on my shoulder… & at that moment I filled the car with my wailing, shortness of breath, & tears. Why? No apparent reason. It just happened. I’m not proud but let’s all move on.

So into the house we went, I was feeling much better. So good, in fact, that I remembered the Snickers Easter egg I had slipped into my basket while at Target earlier…before my drive-thru incident. I quickly shuffled through the bags to find it, ripped it open and took a bite. Oh my dearness – the perfect combination of chocolate, peanuts & caramel that filled my mouth. “Here! Take a bite!” I exclaimed as I held the chocolate egg out to Matt. “No thanks”, he said, as he politely declined & then offered me a reminder of my health goals and results – you know… the accountability that I have been asking for. And then, there it was. Meltdown number 3 – a sort of angry meltdown. The kind you get when you feel embarrassed and “called out”. “Fine!” I said, as I chucked the remaining egg in the trashcan and ran up the stairs sobbing. Yikes.

I knew how silly I was acting. & you know what I mean when I say “silly”. That night, after a good hug from my hubby, I toppled into bed feeling both physically & emotionally exhausted.

Although I had a healthy morning & afternoon, my whacked out evening landed me at 53 points for the day (my daily allotment being 29). & since I skipped the gym, I only worked out 4 times this week (even though this is still within my “plan”, I would prefer to work out more than that in one week).

As I said before – last Thursday wasn’t pretty. Especially the mascara that was repeatedly smeared all over my face. BUT I woke up the next morning, focused on healthy eating & got in a really great work out that night. It doesn’t quite erase my Thursday but it did make me feel a teensy bit better about it. In any case, I am exhausted just thinking about it & I can tell this is going to be a lonnnng journey!

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2 Responses to “One Drive-Thru, Two Dinners & Three (& a half) Melt-Downs”

  1. mom Liz April 3, 2013 at 7:37 am #

    My dear Ashley,

    All is not lost (oops! no pun intended). What I mean is that you certainly learned a lot on Thursday. 1.You have to keep healthy snacks available. 2.Drink water all the time. Carry it with you. 3. Don’t shop unless an emergency until you are rested and have had a good snack. 4,Most importantly don’t give up, it is a journey. One evening does not a whole week ruin. You are making progress and it is not just about the destination. There will be fun experiences along the way like shopping for clothes and finding activities that are fun when you are in shape that may not have been appealing before.
    I love you just the way you are baby girl and I am proud of you, You can do this!
    Mom Liz

    • ashleyfurlong April 3, 2013 at 1:24 pm #

      Thank you for the encouragement & pointers! It is definitely a journey – one day at a time! I look forward to the “end product” but I know that I am learning a lot about discipline & being healthy along the way. & I am especially looking forward to buying new clothes – you know me!! Love you!

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